On the forty-second page of “Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days” psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman wrote (most emphasis added):
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Put-downs. Struggles over getting up on time for school. Struggles over eating. Kids who don't stay in bed but pop out like the Energizer Bunny. Carelessness with money. Lying. Not completing a project.
Did you know that behavior is learned? And that children will model their behavior after the things they see you say and do?
Think how many times you've said, "I'm never going to do what my father did to me. I'll never speak to my kids the way my mother did to me." Then you find yourself using the same words and the same inflection your parents did.
Think about that little "white lie" you told your boss: "I'm not feeling very well today. I think I need a day to rest." And then you took the kids to the beach.
Or what about the time you promised your children that you'd take them out for ice cream...then you got busy with work and didn't get home until they were already in bed?
That's what I mean. Your attitude can't help but slip out through your behavior, and children are always watching. That means if you want to see your child change, you have to change yourself. If you yell when you get angry, should it surprise you when your 7-year old does it? If you give others the silent treatment, should it surprise you if your 13-year-old isn't talking? Do you break your promises? If so, you need to start honoring your promises—or not making them in the first place. My personal view is that you should never promise your children anything. Promising them is saying that (1) your car will never break down, (2) every day will go exactly as you've planned it, (3) you are perfect, and (4) it won't rain.
Misbehavior is going to happen. Kids are kids. Just accept the fact that they will say and do the dumbest and most embarrassing things you can imagine. I'll never forget what our pediatrician told us when we had Holly, our firstborn. "You have to safety-proof your house because kids are really dumb when it comes to putting things in their mouths." Kids will pull a dog's tail and get bit, they'll
More information about “Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days” (and the book itself) is available from:
(Revell, March 2008. Hardcover, 304 pages. ISBN: 0800719026; EAN: 9780800719029.)
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